We sometimes forget that the March on Washington (1963) culminating in Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech,was primarily about economic equality. Civil rights and freedoms yes, but what good is freedom when you can’t put food on the table?
So I ponder these things today and wonder (like I always do) if my Birth Mother was there on that historic day.
Lately, as I persue my towards my own personal freedoms I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about where I’ll go, what I’ll do when I’ve gotten my life back. What is it actually that I’m supposed to do? I feel a strong sense of A Calling, but what that means or what that might entail: I have no idea.
I’ve had these strong feelings of being pulled or sent in one direction or another before, and for the most part I’ve followed them. Sometimes leading to good things, sometimes to bad. I don’t think I can handle another major bad thing. I’m past due for the good, so I’m taking this vocation as a Good Thing.
As I struggle with my physical and mental health, I’m also struggling with my spiritual health and well being. I’m finding that I’m stripping things down to their essentials, and tossing away the rest. So many people gathered that day, and I wonder at their own hopes and dreams. Are they similar to my own? Am I able to dream the dreams I have only because I stand on their shoulders?
The reality of some things has become clear to me, and despite my efforts to the contrary, they do sometimes dampen my spirit and chip away at those foundations of Hope that I’ve built. The weight has seemed too much of late, and I’ve decided to set it down before I get crushed beneath it.
You have to pick your battles, and this particular one can be fought and won on other fronts. At anyrate things work more smoothly in harmony with the Universe if I focus on what I want instead of what I don’t.
I’ve been dealing with this my whole life, yes I know, and will continue to deal with it – but I’ve decided to take control of the situation. What am I talking about? The basic thing that had those people marching: Racism. There was a reason why they weren’t getting jobs and being denied freedom. That’s getting down to the nitty gritty of it all.
I’ve been working on a blog post entitled “Blacklash”, but its slow going and I’m pretty much incoherent. So I’ve kept it as a draft while I work on it. There are so many elements to consider, to touch apon that my brain freezes and my fingers tremble and my heart rate doubles and I just can’t WRITE anything.
I prayed deeply this morning. I meditated actively and sent out a call to the Universe. A call for help, understanding, truth and for signposts to guide me on my way. My Buddhist teachings tell me that I am a Bodhisattva – one who through compassion seeks to bring (oneself and) others to Enlightenment (Buddhahood). Compassion is a toughy. It is similar to turning the other cheek and treating your neighbor (ie other human beings) as you wish to be treated.
When your face is constantly battered and barraged, when your neighbor hates you on sight, what’s a Bodhisattva to do? Hence the heavy load. The school of hard knocks has taught me that while you can change laws, its darn near impossible to change people’s minds. So I’ve set down a few of my loads – maybe to pick them up at some point later on, or maybe never.
What I seek now is the Place. Both Physical, Mental and Spiritual where I can be who I am and not be crushed and chipped away at. Perhaps that is an impossible Place. What I find along my Journey will bring me Gifts that will help me understand what I’m seeking better. Perhaps it is only the Journey that needs taking and the destination serves only to get me started and to keep me going.
All I know is I’m beginning to feel much better, much lighter, much happier since I’ve taken this Spiritual Shift in this new direction. A first step if you will.
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When some of my links “go dark”: This Cuz Why. If ya don’t know now ya know.
